---

CHAPTER 5

“Is he waking up?” Todd asked.

“Looks like it, bro,” Jeff answered.

Adjusting the ice pack on my face and ribs, I leaned forward to see the slight twitch in his arms. I wasn’t taking any chances. I had his tails cuffed, his legs cuffed, his arms cuffed, and I chained those necks up so he couldn’t lunge and bite me. In several spots in his necks, there were nails I “carefully” hammered in. Todd used his computer to display where I needed to apply them so he couldn’t use his energy breath. Snitch came downstairs as Skaltak’s heads moved.

“Took your sweet time,” I grumbled.

“I had a lot to report to Hylus,” he answered. “Is he awake?”

“Yeah.”

I slurped up the last of my noodles and stood. Now came one of the fun parts of my job.

“So, uh, what’s the plan?” Jeff asked.

I had many ideas to get this guy to talk, but I started with a polite ask. I headed into the cell and pulled out the chair. Skaltak’s twelve eyes rolled and focused on me as he tried to sit up all the way. It took him a minute to realize how fucked he was. Then he hissed and tried to snap at me like an angry snake. The chains pulled him back. I couldn’t help but smirk. He balled his fists and inhaled to blast me. Instead of two beams of white energy, all he got was a hoarse cough.

“What did you do to me!?” He hissed.

“Little magic trick.” He saw the nails in his necks. His confusion was amusing, but I needed to get answers. “Who are you sending the drugs to?”

“Piss off. I ain’t telling you shit!”

I smiled. “Oh, you said the magic words.”

“Edgy, is it interrogation time?” Todd asked through the intercom.

“Yeah, get the timer!”

Skaltak’s two heads exchanged confused glances. I exited his cell and walked into the armory and strode past the huge stockpile of weapons that could obliterate entire cities and then some. As I kept walking, I came to the super dangerous shit. I pulled out the large containment box and a backpack full of torture devices. Hadn’t needed them in a while. I walked back to the gray interrogation room where our confused guest waited and dropped the bag and black box on the table. I looked out at Todd, Jeff, and Zoltar.

“Todd, display the current best time!”

Todd pushed the button and a three-minute timer displayed on the left wall. Skaltak’s heads snapped towards it. He realized just how in the shit he was.

“Place your bets, how long till he talks!? Can I break my record!?” I called.

Jeff took a sip of his soda. “Man, twenty bucks says you get it in three.”

“Twenty, you’ll beat your record,” Todd said, showing the purple physical chip.

“Got twenty on breaking my record,” I said with a smile. “Shroom, what about you?”

Zoltar did not seem amused. “I will not gamble. I will observe.”

I shrugged and cracked my neck. Skaltak laughed and threw both heads back.

“You don’t scare me, chicken!”

Skaltak’s statement aged like mayonnaise left in the desert sun. I opened the bag and debated what I should use. I could’ve tried the nanobot injector, make him feel like he’s got tiny insects chewing him out on the inside. That was a slow one. I could’ve done laser clippers and lopped off his fingers, but that one was kind of boring. My eyes drifted back to the containment box. It was probably ready for use by now, and I couldn’t imagine someone resisting it for long.

A smirk came across my face as I tapped the console on the box. “Todd, start the clock.”

“Alright, starting in three…two…one!”

The buzzer went off. I put in the code, and the box opened. Cold fog exploded out of the container. A claw-like device emerged from one side. I grabbed that and activated it. The claw was easy to control with the joystick and trigger, and I would need it. What I was about to handle, I couldn’t touch with my bare flippers without losing them if I was lucky.

“What are you doing?” Zoltar asked.

I ignored him and activated the switch on the side of the claw. The screen told me the inner containment glass had opened. I snatched the arm to grab it and held it as tight as possible without killing it. A screech emerged from the fog as I brought it out so Skaltak could see. The worm was as long as an adult human arm, with praying mantis claws along its body and a mouth of tendrils that ended in sharp points.

“Are you insane!?” Zoltar screamed. “That’s a neurex worm!”

“Yeah, it is.”

Skaltak’s eyes widened, and he reeled back in terror as the defrosted form lunged and tried to whip at him with the tentacles.

“Aw, she likes you already,” I smiled. “Feel like talking?”

Skaltak didn’t answer and flinched every time the parasite tried to go for him.

“You put us all at risk!” Zoltar shouted through the mic.

“Oh, you ain’t seen nothing yet, bro,” Jeff told him.

I was running out of time. I extended the arm, and the neurex worm went to work. We consider neurex worms some of the deadliest parasites in the EdgeWorlds. One of them could easily infect and kill everyone on a star cruiser in just a few hours. Tendrils and claws dug into his right neck. That wasn’t the worst part. The twitch gave away what was happening. It was embedded in his nervous system.

Skaltak screamed in pain as it pushed further. I looked at the clock. We were almost two minutes in. I’d be in trouble if I left it connected to him for more than that. Todd explained to me what was happening; when it began fusing with the host, it overloaded all the pain receptors in the body. It would start converting his insides and body into incubator pods for its offspring, and they would explode out of his body. And if we were lucky, I’d be parasite chow. If we were unlucky, everyone was going to be parasite chow. His screams made me want to grab a headset to drown him out.

“You feel like talking!?” I shouted.

“Make it stop!” He howled.

“Pause the clock!”

Todd pressed the button. Two-minutes-forty seconds: a new record. The arm grabbed the worm, and the syringe plunged into the parasite’s side. The worm stopped and retracted its tendrils, but it clung to his neck.

“That’ll only stop it for two minutes. Better talk fast.”

Oh, did he talk.

I’ll summarize. The bat shit crazy Dr. Woo made the drug, and he was on an icy planet called Maegar in the Gamma Sector. Woo was close to finishing an airborne version of the drug. I used the arm to pull the neurex worm free from his neck and then injected him with a chemical that would destroy any embryos that it may have deposited in his body. After icing the neurex, I turned on the drone on the box’s side. It coated the entire room in a unique light that fried any embryos or tissue from the worm. Remaining tissue could turn into a new worm, but the light prevented that. After a confirmation beep and a flash of green, we were in the clear.

“Alright, Jeff, pay up!”

“Goddammit!”

I packed up all my stuff and exited the room. Zoltar was shaking and couldn’t hold his tablet straight.

“What’s your problem?”

“You’re absolutely insane.”

“Whatever gave you that idea?”

“That was chill for him,” Jeff told him.

“Chill?!”

Jeff smiled. “Remember Big Hoss?”

I smirked at Jeff.

“What happened to Big Hoss?”

I looked at Snitch. “Do you have a weak stomach?”

“I do not require food.”

I told him everything. As a teen, I was in a gang that was at war with Big Hoss’s gang. When I left the gang after doing one last job for the boss, I had stashed away some cash in case I ever lost the gang income. Only one other person knew about it, and they got caught by Hoss. Hoss got them to talk and tell every secret about the gang, including my stash. Hoss took my shit, so I found him, killed all his guards, and captured him.

“Well, capture is a bit of a stretch,” Todd said as I explained.

“Without the batteries for his pimped-out scooter, he wasn’t going anywhere,” Jeff spoke, making me laugh.

“Getting his fat ass on board wasn’t easy.”

“Why?” Zoltar asked.

“One kinesis unit wasn’t strong enough to lift him. We needed three, and they broke when we finished!” Todd told him. “And the smell, he should’ve come with a warning label!”

A kinesis unit could levitate objects up to half a ton. Calling Big Hoss “big” is a bit of an understatement.

Jeff cackled. “That’s right, you threw up!”

After getting him on the ship, I had to get tubby to speak. It took me over twelve hours of careful fat trimming before he felt like talking. He spent all of it on a fucking buffet. Zoltar just stared at me and shook as I described all of this. His gang called and wanted him back, and I agreed to give Hoss back to them. I dropped him off at the location they wanted, well, a couple of thousand feet above. Then I came in and finished the survivors. I doubted they would’ve given me the cash they promised, but I checked anyway, and it wasn’t there.

“Why in heavens is Lord Hylus paying you?”

I shrugged. “Before you get your boxers in a twist, he ate people and children on the regular, not someone to feel sorry for.”

His anger lingered as he glanced at Skaltak. “Is he safe?”

“Yeah.”

“Contact Hylus and tell him everything right now.”

---

CHAPTER 6

“So, Woo is on Maegar?” Hylus asked.

“Yup. It’s close to me. I can go in and blow it up real quick.”

Hylus leaned forward in his chair like I was standing in front of him, and then he climbed out of it and adjusted his cape. I was eager. I could cut loose, and best of all, I’d get paid for it. In my head, I was trying to figure out which weapons I’d use. Several weapons in the armory had gone unused for some time. Leveling a building would almost make up for not getting my deep-fried celphos, plus it would mean the job’s over, and I could get Snitch off my back.

“No,” Hylus spoke.

“What!?”

“No, Stand down. I’ll handle it.”

“Oh, come on, Hylus! You haven’t let me destroy something in months!” I growled.

This looked like a job for me! I needed something fun to do aside from video games.

“No,” Hylus muttered. “We will come up with a plan of attack and strike.”

“Why? A few hours is all I need to handle this.”

“Edgy, you are not concerned with stopping Dr. Woo. You only want to go so you can cause more wanton destruction.”

“You’re goddamn right! With all the boring shit you’ve had me do, let me do something fun!”

Hylus leaned forward. “You will stand down and drop Skaltak off at the coordinates I’m sending you, and he needs to be delivered alive, understood?”

I understood. I just didn’t give a fuck. “Fine. We done here?”

“That will be all.”

When I killed the connection and left the deck, I found Todd playing a video game in the living area, some action game with a busty chick swinging a big ass sword. I wasn’t paying too much attention as I headed for the bridge. This whole thing was pissing me off. I typed in the coordinates Hylus sent and booted up a playlist of metal music. I pulled up a feed of Skaltak in his cell. He was still feeling the effects of the neurex worm. Hylus was sending us back to Moxia to drop him off. I turned to see Todd after hearing the door open.

“So, what are we doing now?”

“Dropping Skaltak off.”

“We’re not going after Woo?” He asked as he climbed into a chair.

“Hylus said no.”

“You’re not happy about that, are you?”

“Fuck no. I wanted to blow some shit up!”

Todd fidgeted with his glasses. “Well, what are we doing after this?”

“No clue. We might get celphos and drinks if I’m off the clock. Hope we can get rid of Shroom, too.”

“He seems okay, but the Big Hoss story messed him up.”

I smiled at that. It was an excellent example of why you do not fuck with me or my money. It didn’t take us long to return to Moxia. Similar to before, we docked at the warship and I allowed Shard’s men to take Skaltak off the ship. I was expecting payment, but they told me I would get paid once they resolved the situation on Maegar, which I couldn’t end myself. Despite being there, Zoltar said nothing.

“Are you leaving?”

“No. Lord Hylus gave me instructions to continue auditing you until this ends.”

“Goddammit!”

At least they supplied the ship with fuel for us, but evidently I wasn’t free yet, which was terrible. I sat on the bridge, trying to figure out what the hell to do. After a few moments of staring at Moxia and its rings, I pulled up the coordinates for Maegar. The long trip would be worth it for a round of carnage.

“Lord Hylus ordered you to stand down,” Zoltar said, announcing himself. I set the destination and turned around. “You will do as ordered.”

I couldn’t help but smirk as I pushed the button. “You don’t know me very well, do you?”

The ship was gone with a slight shake. We had about four hours before we reached Maegar from here. I went down to the armory, ignoring the protesting mushroom. He got even more annoyed when he saw the weapons in my possession. My eyes went to the giant black and red laser cannon on the wall. It was heavy as hell, but it packed a punch. I pulled it down and sat it on the table. I saw Snitch staring at another weapon, the black hole gun. Yes, it does exactly what you think it does.

“Is that what I think it is!?”

“Yup.”

“That’s a WMD!”

“You’re right. It is.”

“Where did you get this!?”

“Oh, it wasn’t easy, and a lot of assembly required.”

“Does Hylus know about this!?”

“Nope.”

“We’re turning this ship around!”

“If you touch my ship, I will shoot you.” I threatened. He jotted that down and knew I was dead serious.

I plugged in the large battery the size of a college binder into the bottom of the gun and watched it hum to life. I hadn’t touched it for a year.

“A mini-nuke launcher!” Zoltar exclaimed, looking at the large dark gray gun with a long barrel ending in petal shapes that closed around and sealed it up when not in use.

“Yeah, that’s custom. Added an autoloader so I can fire four without needing to load it.”

His mushroom cap twitched as I told him this. “Why would you need four of them?”

I shrugged. You never know when four soccer ball size city-destroying bombs could come in handy, especially out here in the EdgeWorlds. Zoltar looked at the black case next to the gun and yanked it down. He sat it on the table and opened it. When he saw what was inside, he was shaking with anger.

“You have four miniature thermonuclear bombs!? Why!?”

“So I can use the launcher with a full mag,” I smirked. Zoltar was about to have a stroke. “Relax, I haven’t used that on anyone yet.”

“Yet?”

“Do you have any idea how goddamn expensive those four bombs are? Few places sell them.”

“For good reason!” Zoltar growled.

Was it overkill, probably, but that’s the best part. Besides, it’s fun to have something you shouldn’t. Someday I’d like to think I’ll need that thing to level something. I wish I had it the last time Hylus asked me to destroy something for him. It would’ve made it much easier. Zoltar seemed more shocked and horrified as he kept looking at stuff. It irritated me.

“There’s a dimensional ripper over there if you want to keep getting your panties in a bunch.”

I think I pissed him off. He dropped his tablet and stormed out. This would bite me in the ass later, but I didn’t care. It was time to blow shit up and have a blast. Well, in four hours at least. I grabbed a large handgun with giant rounds and loaded four mags for it, just in case I needed to do some cleanup that the laser would miss. The next four hours dragged on forever. I found Todd sitting and playing a video game while Jeff rolled up another blunt on the table. Jeff looked up first as he grabbed the plastic bag full of herbs.

“So bruh, we’re heading to Maegar, right?”

“Damn right.”

Jeff smirked. “Sweet. what’s the plan?”

“Plan? I’m just gonna shoot my way in and out. I just need you two to keep the ship ready for pickup.”

Todd paused his game. “I know you don’t like to plan, but you’ll want to grab a mask and filter in case it’s airborne.”

This is why I keep Todd around. Every once in a while, he does something useful.

“This is a bad idea,” Zoltar spoke. I looked at him as he came up from below deck. “The minute we exit subspace, I’m contacting Hylus. Doing this is reckless and endangers thousands of lives. Hylus has a plan. Just let them handle it and stand down!” Zoltar shrieked and shook.

I smirked and looked at Jeff and Todd. “Okay, make sure this guy doesn’t get in the way.”

Todd jumped like someone just told him he would walk into a firefight butt ass naked. His glasses fell off his beak and into his lap.

“W-what? How am I supposed to do that!?”

I reached behind the couch and fished out one of the many tranquilizer guns stashed around the ship. You may wonder about my possession of a tranquilizer gun, let alone several. Well, they’re not for me to use. You know the saying “BLANK has an explosive temper”? Well, that’s me, but literally. Not gonna lie; Todd has had to use an entire magazine on me a few times because of what happens when I’m beyond furious. It ain’t pretty, at least when you’re on the receiving end.

“Hit ’em with this,” I told Todd.

Zoltar was already jotting down something and was fuming. Todd took the gun and then looked at Zoltar.

“I’m not sure this will work on him since he’s a living plant.”

“Dude, pistol whip him or something.”

I thought Todd was gonna piss his pants again. “Um…what about Hylus? He’s going to be mad if I—”

“Todd, don’t be a bitch.”

“You are out of control.” Zoltar remarked.

“Control is boring,” I replied, walking past him. “And I’m only going to tell you this once. Don’t get in my way.”

“Are you threatening me!?”

“Nah, that’s a promise. He will fuck you up,” Jeff replied.

I said nothing else to Zoltar, and I didn’t need to. Instead, I cranked up the music and gazed out at the psychedelic light show around us.

When we came out of subspace, a small blue and white planet greeted us. The center continent was icy, except for a circular gray and rust area. That was the city we were heading to. As I locked in on the city, Todd and Jeff came in. Jeff’s eyes were bloodshot, and the smell of burnt grass was everywhere.

“Wow, it’s bigger than I imagined,” Todd said while leaning over my chair. He sat down at the station on my left and typed something. “Oh, you’re going to n-need a t-thicker coat.”

I turned around in my chair as the ship dipped into the atmosphere. “Why?”

Todd stammered. “The temperature in the city is negative one-hundred-and-fifty degrees now. So you’ll need some thermal gear.”

“Are those the winter temperatures?” I asked.

Todd shook his head and pulled off his glasses so he could clean them with his shirt. “It’s summer right now.”

“Oh goddamn!”

“You’re a penguin. So the cold shouldn’t be a problem,” Zoltar remarked.

“That’s cold, even by penguin standards.”

Todd looked at me. He had the tranquilizer gun at his side, but he didn’t look eager to use it.

We breached the atmosphere and pierced a sea of thick gray clouds. The winds were strong and affected the ship despite the auto stabilizers. The city was hard to see at first, but became visible after a few minutes. All the buildings were large and bulky. They didn’t design them to be neat and pleasant from the exterior. Appearance was not a concern, warmth was. As we got closer, I saw they designed it so no one had to go outside. Metal tubes connected the buildings with giant, orb-shaped areas in the center of several halls. They must’ve been parks or something. The places for landing looked like giant skyscraper-sized cubes. Each panel served as an opening for ships. I found one that was open and flew inside. We had to fly down a long shaft of orange lights before reaching a landing pad.

As soon as we docked, I noticed a meter I needed to pay. I considered ignoring it, but the last thing I needed was my ship being impounded. However, five-hundred credits for what likely would be an hour was absurd. I winced, then entered my payment information before grabbing an environmental suit and heavier jacket downstairs.

I fucking hate environmental suits. They’re heavy and are not ideal for a shootout, but it beat freezing to death. It felt like I was stuck in a giant marshmallow from the neck down. I grabbed a thicker gray jacket with a fur collar and picked up the laser cannon and my sidearm. When I looked over my shoulder, I saw Zoltar standing there with his arms folded.

“It is not too late to stand down,” Zoltar said. “I’m sure since you’re here now, Hylus might fold you into the operation he has p—”

I powered up the laser gun, and it hummed and hissed. I couldn’t contain my smile as I shouldered it and headed for the exit. Zoltar followed.

“Edgy! Think about this for a moment. We don’t know what forces Woo has! This is suicide!”

“Great, don’t want this to be boring.”

Todd met me at the entrance with the mask, and I put it on my face. The air-tight seal was immediate, and now I looked like I had a metal beak.

“You cannot do this!”

“T-that will not work on him. He’ll just do it more,” Todd whispered.

I flipped the switch, and the airlock opened. “Alright, keep your communicator on and get ready to power up the ship as soon as I tell you.” The mask deepened my voice, like I was trying to sound like a supervillain. “This gonna be hot.”

“O-okay.”

Even with the heated building interior, it was still cold as hell. Felt like I had gone skinny dipping in liquid nitrogen. Todd’s beak chattered as I hopped off, and he closed the door. Pulling up a holographic map, I began the long trek to where I needed to go. I despised the environmental suit, especially while shouldering a bulky gun during my run. I saw some people waiting for the elevator. By the time I reached them, they knew I was packing a giant laser, and a few of them were freaking out.

“Dibs on the elevator,” I announced.

Some larger aliens, who looked like engineers, did not feel intimidated. Revving the cannon made them move out of the way. The people in the large elevator were in for a surprise when it arrived. Seeing a short penguin in combat gear and coat threatening people with a laser cannon almost as tall as he was made everyone take notice. One of them reached for the door controls. The sight of a charged laser cannon got him to stop.

“Hold that elevator!”

I muttered under my breath as I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor. Some old lady with four eyes eyeballed me as we went down. One of the taller aliens moved towards me with his claws out. I pulled out the pistol.

“Back off,” I growled.

The alien scowled at me and took a step forward. Guess he thought I was bluffing. I wasn’t. I made him take a knee and take a trip to a hospital. He grabbed his bleeding knee. Thankfully for them, the suppressor was on and dulled the sound of the gunshot. Almost everyone inside flinched, but the elderly in the elevator didn’t. Everyone looked at me without speaking.

“I’m not here to hurt you people. Just stay out of my fucking way.” I put the gun back in my jacket and watched the elevator.

I underestimated the number of floors in this place. We had just emerged from the upper nine-hundreds of the thousand floors. The jingle in the elevator became more obnoxious and repetitive with each passing second. When we passed floor eight-hundred-and-fifty, the damn song looped again.

I shook. “Is there a way to shut that fucking song off!?”

My voice shocked some of them. I checked the console and saw no options to turn off that jingle. I could no longer ignore it. After another dozen floors of hell, I found the speaker and emptied my pistol into it, scaring the others in the elevator. With a loud bang and a crash, it stopped. When I examined the speaker’s corpse, I observed far more bullet holes than bullets fired. Now it was just silence and occasional whispers from the other aliens.

When the elevator approached the bottom, I readied the cannon, expecting security. Seeing the cannon, the guard at the desk froze and stared at me. Bet he shat his pants. I exited the trapezoid-shaped entry hall, and I was out in the freezing cold.

Freezing is an understatement. I appreciated the giant laser gun; the winds nearly knocked me over. The walk to the next building wasn’t far, but felt like an eternity with the subzero temperatures and strong winds. My suit’s inner layers activated the heated gel inside, helping fight it off a bit. I kicked the door in, and I realized I was in the slummier part of Maegar City. They covered every surface with graffiti in various languages, and druggies clustered around bonfires in trash cans. Thankfully, most of them didn’t react to me as I headed down the hall.

Shattered windows and vandalized shops littered the area, my kind of place. I entered the central court. Dr. Woo and his people were on floor seven-hundred-and-twenty. Skaltak had said Woo controlled the three floors below, and the elevator wouldn’t let you up without a key. I’d have to fight my way up.

Perfect.

I found the shot-up elevator. There was a mound of ash from cigarettes and a pile of bloodstained clothes and some dirty needles. I was glad the suit insulated my flippers. Who knows what sort of infections I’d get from touching the buttons or anything in there?

“H-h-hey Edgy,” Todd whispered.

“What?”

“Um…well…”

“Spit it out Todd, I haven’t got all day,” that was not true, given the speeds of these elevators.

“Zoltar…he left the ship…h-he’s trying to s-stop you.”

“Seriously! Why didn’t you stop him!?”

“I shot him with the tranquilizer, but he’s a plant! It didn’t work!”

“You should’ve used the weed killer!” I growled.

Todd yelped. “I’m sorry, Edgy. I don’t know if he knows your route or not. Where are you now?”

“In the elevator, I’m heading towards Woo’s turf.”

“Oh, and Shard agents are calling. What should I tell them?”

“Tell them I’ve got this shit and don’t need their help.”

Todd answered the call but muted me. It was what I expected. They told me to stand down, and they were already mobilizing a strike team to handle Woo. However, they said one thing at the end that made me want to use this cannon on them: they threatened to impound my ship.

“Todd. You tell those mother fuckers if they touch my ship, I’ll come over there and break every bone in their bodies then disembowel them and feed them their entrails!”

Todd was silent for a while. “You want me to say it just like that, or do you want me to leave some stuff out?”

“Todd. You tell those mother fuckers if they touch my ship, I’ll come over there and break every bone in their bodies then disembowel them and feed them their entrails!”

“Y-you sure you want me to say that? They pay us and u—”

“Todd, if I have to repeat myself again, I’m beating the shit out of you.”

“Okay! Okay, I got it!”

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

He relayed my message to them, but with more fear than anger. The guy on the line didn’t buy it. So, I told Todd to take me off mute. I don’t remember what I said to them, but it involved shoving a chainsaw down their throats, gutting them like pigs, and making them eat shit. All I heard was silence, then the call disconnected.

“W-was that necessary?”

“Todd, grow a pair.”